May be really unusual for frequent readers of the blog to see me writing in english, but i found it really appropriate considering it was indeed through this language that i got to reflect on this.
I don't have a lot experiences joining big community servers, always thought of it as some kind of no man's land and not being really a community but a following of a certain person, which for me is not something that i am interested in ever joining, but as any prejudice, it can certainly be wrong, not for every community of course, but also not to all of them.
So thats what i went with, joined a brazilian youtuber server before, got some nice talk, but being honest, a community of a channel which its main focus is a competitive game will attract a lot of unnerving people which can make the ambient not too welcoming, got some really good talk and people i talk with sometimes still, and even a relationship.
Didn't had a too bad first impression so i did the same gamble with an english speaking community of another youtuber (hi to you if you are reading from there :) ), and talk with a lot of genuine fun and cool people, i got to talk things that even with some of my close friends would find boring, and for people who i just got to know in one day, got really great first impressions.
Its easy to grab into the compliments of friends and take that as hole-hearted truth, but for me there will always be some bias, consciously or not as of the opinion of those friends, even if they say that they are being 100% genuine, im still nihilistic about some certain bias that could make it be smooth talk instead of sincere talk, not that i don't trust them, i trust them a lot, but i don't trust people's subconcious.
So i found it really surprising to seeing similar reactions from people that i barely knew them from the internet as of those of my friends, and not of something that i tried to specifically make a awesome impression, not that i thought of it as a bad impression, but i didn't think it would be such a good impression.
Didn't think of getting into an hour ofjust discussing things of my country and language, talking about Nheengatu and the history of São Paulo, and that person making effort to hear it even while playing a game. About giving advice that helped people feeling well and thanking me very much for talking to them, not that i didn't received any of this kind of reaction before, but with people that i just met? Not only did it made me happy due to those really great compliments, but that other compliments from friends and even my mother were in fact, much more real then i thinked they are.
It was really cool talking to those people, genuinely interesting people as they aren't just from Brazil but from many places! Giving me perspectives that i wouldn't have a chance of getting just from my portuguese speaking friends, and those compliments made me feel more special then usual.
Maybe i am the brilliant mind that José Luiz Tejon told me i am when he hugged me and gave me one of his books, maybe i am some of the most badass persons that a really succesful friend of mine got to know, maybe i am indeed the humble person that my mother says i am, maybe a lot of special things people told me that i am and even aspired on me, because getting recognized from people you know is nice, but getting similar recogntion of strangers is just on a another level for me, and im really happy for that :)
And i have to thank everyone who helped me in life in a lot of troublesomes times, times of suicide thought, of crying every day, of screaming for minutes non stop, of being angry at everyone including my mother to the point of leaving her house, of thinking of myself as the worst person that i could be, and those people helped me get through and valued me a whole lot more that i ever valued myself. Thank to each and every one of you guys and i hope for each one of you also have great life as well :)
