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14/09/25 - São Bento

           Vim me a ti em minhas pressas, em busca de entender como Deus - mesmo que não seja o mesmo Deus - veio a servir de tormenta em forma de um relacionamento.     Não me veio a resposta, mas saiu-me o ódio. Sangrei em alma e corpo até chegar a hoje, não vem me mais a amargura da realidade que ainda sinto, muito menos um louvor que a Santa Cruz acima da escrita de seus captores e executores.       A humildade dos que praticam em meio da casa de artes em todos os cantos, enquanto Deus ainda há de vir para os que moram na praça ao lado, pelo menos acho que assim devia ser. A arquitetura barroca - que lembra-me da mourisca - que cega olhos em sua existência bela.      Não se perdoa de quem não se arrepende, e honestamente não vejo arrependimento em minha cegueira, espero que meus bons atos - cegos a qualquer liturgia ou fé - sirvam me do julgamento que não é de meu papel argumentar sua existência.   ...

Boxes and worlds

         Alone, in a road, the same road as always, the road takes her back, back to somewhere, somewhere always familiar.

    A home a lot would call it, but she doesn't see it as that, or at least not only as that, but instead, as the center of her world. A chamber with no echo to be seen, a giant toy which no kid has ever played with, at least not recently, a tea certainly at least a millennium due, but certainly sugary, a pillar half made of atoms, the other half made from what should've been something, but now only air exists.

    A bed with no mattress, as it never existed; a hole bitten down to ashes, that she uses to pass by. But why is all that... that? She certainly doesn't care to know, but even thought it as comfy as a wooden box can be, she was happy with it, and not knowing why all of all didn't bothered her, and why should it? doesn't seems like it should matter.

    Why would you grief for something that you don't know? you could grief for the fact of not knowing, but that depends on other things that you do know, but how do you grief, if you don't have anything to miss?

    And there she goes on, in a single road, one that she has done for god knows how much time. Why? she doesn't really know, but the building of that road certainly brings joy to her, somehow, and literally nobody knows, because there is only her on this world, which, in fact, is only an island.

    An island which no man or woman has stepped foot upon for a long time, but why? war? confinement? simply not liking it at all? All of those are more then valid, but it doesn't impact her at all, she never even went on to make those questions, all that matters is that there she is, and there she lives.

    Bystanders may haven passed by, seen part of the road, and turn away as whoever may have built it, is more then dead, or if it isn't dead, as it has always been, forever. But dead she isn't, but to the Bystander her existence doesn't matter; as she is just an ant, an happy ant. 

    One that broke against the only prison that she lived in, a simple box, a shoe box. A shoe box that traveled at least 2 oceans, which she was the only one who survived on a colony, close to a tea, all inside a shoe box.

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